Peer pressure is nothing new. It's every parent's worst nightmare, especially when their child falls prey to vices like alcohol, drugs and smoking. These days, however, an increasing number of youngsters in their early teens, both girls and boys, are falling prey to the pressure of becoming sexually active from a very young age, even as early as 12 years. What was once considered a Western world problem is today very much a growing reality of our Indian society too. MMS scandals involving school and college students are unfortunately becoming regular occurances hogging news and cyber space.
Neesha Raut, mother of 15-year-old Dhruv is a worried parent. Why? Because Dhruv and his girlfriend often shut the door of his room and hang out. "Though I know for a fact that they are always watching movies or playing video games, I can't help but get apprehensive. On the other hand, I also can't tell him not to shut the door as it is his own room and we all advocate the right to privacy in the house," she laments.
Though it can mostly be blamed on the pressure from friends, peers and acquaintances in the same age group and the need to fit into a stereotype, the increased exposure to sexually explicit material - TV, Internet, and other forms of media that teenagers access is also a growing cause for concern. "There's also the society's rather relaxed attitude about sex to be blamed. I often see parents and adults making references about boyfriends and girlfriends to kids as young as primary students. As a result, the child gets mixed signals that it's okay to pursue this path. Also, they see a very casual and lax attitude towards sex in the home. All this results in them wanting to try things out for themselves," says noted educationist Swati Popat Vats.
According to child psychologist, Dr Bela Raja, it's all about peer pressure. "Hence, even if the youngster is not ready, he/she will go ahead and do it just because everyone else is and because they feel the need to be one of the crown and accepted. There's also low self esteem to blame for this problem. Many of these youngsters feel that they will fit into a friends circle only if they are doing what everyone else who is a part of it is doing. The sense of standing apart doesn't exist anymore," she explains.
And what are the signs of a sexually active teenager? "Unless they actually tell you about it themselves or they are caught in the act, there's no definitive way of telling. However, if a parent is careful enough to notice even the minutest of a child's behavioural changes, there may be signs like the sudden focus on themselves and their physical appearance, the need to ensure that they look good, sport the latest trends, etc. so that they can attract the other person, that could suggest that all is not right in their world," Bela explains. According to Swati, once a young teenager becomes sexually active, he/she develops a cocky, care-a-damn kind of attitude. "On the other hand, there will also be this immense feeling of guilt as they are hiding something so huge from you and the lying will continue," she warns.
The physical and psychological damages of indulging in such reckless behaviour, however, can have lasting effects on the young minds. "When they grow up, especially when they get married, if one has had a bad sexual experience as a youngster, they could end up carrying the baggage here too thus being traumatised at the idea of getting sexually intimate with the partner," says Dr Bela.
And the solution? "Once the act is done, instead of shouting, screaming and hitting the child, it's better to sit them down and patiently explain about what they did was wrong and how they shouldn't let something like this happen again. Most importantly, remember that most kids indulge in such reckless behaviour just to get the focus back on themselves. Spending quality time with you child is by far the best solution to help them," says Dr Bela.
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