How old is â€˜too oldâ€™ to get married?

Mrs. Bennett's, the anxious mother from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, desperate efforts to marry off her 'old-enough-to-be-married' daughters is no different from that of the mothers of present times.

The quest for 'A Suitable Boy' for the girl exists in most families and is greatly influenced by the communities we've been raised in. But is there really a defined marriageable age for Indian women?

Everyone wants to settle down sooner or later and it is only natural to feel so. The urge becomes stronger when you see people younger to you get married. However, the need to confirm to the age factor, as far as marriage is concerned, is not practical. Parni, 36, carries the 'unmarried' status and she is happy doing so. "When I was in my late twenties, it was a little difficult. Parents pushing me to meet some guy every other day and friends assuring me of the match-made-in-heaven concept; it seemed everything around me was turning negative. That's when I decided to give up the idea of marriage and concentrate only on my career," says she. But no matter how strong we train our minds to behave practically, doesn't the heart feel let down at times? "I am not averse to marriage. It's just that I don't want to marry just anyone for the sake of it. I am sure, if and when the time is right, I'll find someone. Even if I don't, I am quite happy in my space," she adds.

The society we live in is such that they believe a person can be only truly happy after he/she has entered the holy communion of matrimony. That anything against this norm is questionable. It is not that great a crisis for a man who remains unmarried (by choice or luck) for a long time, but a spinster woman who invites criticism or at best unsolicited advices. Perhaps this notion stems from the fact that as a woman climbs the ladder of age, her chances of conceiving become less, and in most cases complicated too. Dr Kavita Sama, MBBS, MS (Obstetrics and Gynaecology) agrees, "Women who decide to have a child after the age of thirty five, face greater possibilities of congenital abnormalities. The Down syndrome is a common defect among children in such cases. With age, chances of an easy delivery become lesser and the choice remaining is a caesarean delivery that has its own recovery time."

But there are others who despite having crossed the customary marriageable age have found partners of their choice, although a little late in life, and have been successful in overcoming the biological complications too. An architect and visual designer by profession and now a full time mother of a three-year-old daughter, Madhumita says, "That is the only drawback of marrying late but then it is a conscious decision. One must be prepared for the challenges and open to consultations from doctors". Having studied in the United States for almost nine years, her parents understood her mindset and hence avoided any discussion on marriage. Only when she came back to India, they started asking the dreaded, unavoidable questions. "But everything has its own time..." she adds, "I've lived in New York with roommates and in Mumbai all by myself and I can say that I've had my share of social life. Today when I stay home and spend time with my daughter, I don't feel that I have missed out on anything. I can fully concentrate on playing the role of mother without any insecurity".

Whether all families have such an unbiased outlook, is hard to gauge, thanks to diverse cultures and their interpretations of the 'marriageable age for women'. But one thing is certain; the spinsters in the country have been and are still fighting an uphill battle.

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