Have you had an office marriage yet? No, seriously? With the amount of time modern professionals spend at work, pursuing a career without an office spouse is getting tougher than finding a smooth road to jog on.
A beautiful work-marriage is based on trust, sharing and inspiration, just like the one at home. And there is nothing like an office romance. The office spouse is one you harbour affection for, whose company you dig, someone you wish to see get ahead, crack `insider' jokes with, and are unafraid to discuss dreams and fears with. You share an intimacy, but don't get intimate.
Puzzling? Perfectly probable.
It's a rather common and lovely phenomenon -until infatuation creeps in, and it very well could.
Experts who've spent hours around warring couples say, it's tricky to keep it platonic always, but hardly impossible if you stick to the rules.
Here they are:
Don't discuss your marriage/relationship in graphic detail
You might say, what's the point of an honest work-marriage then? But this one's crucial to stop things from getting sticky. Be aware of how you portray your `real' relationship and partner, especially if things haven't been going particularly well of late. Painting a dark at-home picture keeps the doors of possibility wide open.
Don't do just-us drinks
Go out drinking with the gang, sure, but just the two of you at a bar, once a week, isn't good news. When you drink together, clarity goes for a toss. It's the same with going back home. Opt for car-pool instead of driving back alone together. You still enjoy each other's company without making room for too much privacy.
When travelling on work with your office spouse, make sure you are sharing your room with a colleague.
Experts pick recreational activities and shared conversations as major hooks to draw two people closer.
Keep it open
The most effective strategy is to introduce your work and real spouse. Try organising a meal with your workspouse and his/her partner, or your own. What this does is include your partner in your peripheral world, and not make the office relationship seem guarded and exclusive.
Make it a five-day-week marriage
She/he is the office spouse, so try disconnecting once you are out of office. Late night messaging, exchange of emails and phone calls on the weekend blur the lines between work and play.
If single, go for attached spouse
On a lighter note, it helps if one of you is married.
Imagine two people seeking love, and having found interesting company at work. That's recipe for an office romance, not a work-marriage.
Don't marry `down'
This one sounds classist but it's advice from the experienced. If you do, you aren't going to be able to enjoy the prime joy of an office-marriage -a b***h fest about colleagues. You want to be able to b***h upwards and downwards, without fear, so pick someone on the same organisational rung as you. Equals always make better partners.
You are crossing the line if
Your conversation takes on personal tones
"When you discuss in detail what you did over the weekend with your `real' spouse, it's getting into personal space," says psychotherapist and marriage counsellor Neeta Shetty. "It usually starts off unconsciously by spending more time during lunch break," she adds. Affection -you like this colleague more than others, care about them, wish to see them get ahead at work -is followed by the realisation that you enjoy having a conservation with them.
When you feel free to chat about the personal, for instance, what your spouse did wrong to tick you off, it's moving into the zone of an emotional affair. Shetty says you know you are straying into unknown territory when you decide to have a discussion about what you like in a lover or companion with your work spouse. "That's crossing official boundaries."
If you find yourself comparing your spouse with your work spouse
In fact, this can be a good test. Compare the two honestly. If you find your work spouse `better' than your real spouse, it's a wake up call," Shetty thinks. When you live with the same person day in and day out, it's only natural that you will develop a dislike for some of his/her traits or behaviour. To regularly discuss these with your work spouse, and throw in a "unlike you, she always..." line, doesn't help. Worse, if you've This week, Hollywood actor Reese Withever imagined your work companion in erspoon referred to co-star Sofia Vergaplace of your real spouse, it's time to take ra as her "work wife" while they are filmstock. ing Don't Mess With Texas in which they play a police officer and a prisoner on
If you itch to keep in touch the run together.
While Reese has been after office hours helping her co-star get over her recent "Do you find yourself looking for excuses to split from Nick Loeb, Sofia is Reese's connect with your colleague after you are make-up and hair angel.
Done for the day, on weekends, or on holidays, either via text messages or phone calls," asks Shetty. Without realizing it, your dependence on them increases and you feel the need to be in touch as and when. This eats into family time, and gradually, being around your real spouse may seem uninspiring. We underestimate the power of infatuation. "You may miss the person and wish to share little details of the day," says Shetty.
If you are hiding any aspect of your relationship from your real spouse
Even if it's something as innocuous as coffee after work, if you find yourself telling your real spouse you are someplace else, consider it a red flag. Ask yourself why is it that you don't wish to share that detail with your spouse.
Reese has one too
This week, Hollywood actor Reese Witherspoon referred to co-star Sofia Vergara as her "work wife" while they are filming Don't Mess With Texas in which they play a police officer and a prisoner on the run together. While Reese has been helping her co-star get over her recent split from Nick Loeb, Sofia is Reese's make-up and hair angel.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/followceleb.cms?alias=Reese Witherspoon,Work,relationship,office spouse,Marriage
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