You know you are bullied when you fall ill at the start of the week, when you are humiliated in front of your colleagues, when the gossip is about you, when you feel like you need to get away often, when your co-worker steals credit for your work. To help you stand your ground, Malti Bhojwani, Life Coach, helps you get into your tormentor's mind and break free.
Office bullying is... pre-mediated, repeated, malicious mistreatment of employees. Malti explains, "bullies live on secrecy, (selectively sharing information), shame (humiliating their targets) and the silence of others (by-standers who won't get involved) They pick their targets who are usually the ones that they feel most threatened by, so if you are a target, be flattered and let that knowledge give you the confidence to stand up for yourself."
Prepare a log: One of the most important things you should do is document with date, time and relevant details each incident. Even if you feel you don't want to be the "complainer," you need to keep this documented for a later time when this will come in handy. Be specific with the details in your recording, make sure you stress and point out your own competence and try to keep your emotions out of these records.
Grow a spine: "In my work as a life coach," Malti continues, "I practice ontological coaching as well where I teach my clients body dispositions of power and in this case, the position on "Stability" where you are firmly grounded, standing tall and erect almost like a monarch with dignity. In this position you cannot be bullied, you can say "no" and you can stand up for yourself. This sort of way of being needs to be "embodied" and the only way is through repetition and practice."
Habituate your mind: This is how you do it, "My clients would design a routine where they would practice the position several times a day so that it feels normal and comfortable. Body positions are learnt by the limbic brain which learns through repetition, just like how you learn to drive a manual car or ride a bicycle. It has been said that it takes 400 repetitions for a bodily position to feel normal and over 4000 repetitions for it to become a habit. Set reminders on your phone so that you can manage this daily practice and build towards a habit."
Plan B: Malti Bhojwani gets out the big guns, "If you are still being bullied after you have started practicing "dignity", then it may be time to call in the cavalry, by which I mean you have to file a written and formal complaint. This is when you can pull out the document you had where you logged the details of the incidents of bullying you experienced. Good management will handle bullies well, but if all else fails, move on to a space where you can feel free and dignified. You can't spend over 1 third of your adult life in an environment that supports you being humiliated and invalidated, let along downright bullied. That was for primary school!"
Book to read: Malti Bhojwani recommends Gary Namie and Ruth Namie masterpiece The Bully at Work.
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