Actor Karisma Kapoor says the journey from being a pregnant woman — heavier by 24 kilos — to the svelte mother of two she now is, was more challenging than the role she played in Zubeidaa, referring to her critically acclaimed performance in the 2001 Shyam Benegal film.
We think that's enough reason to get her to share gyaan on everything from getting her sexy figure back to handling a nanny's ego. Over to her.
Get the oomph back
The moment I woke up from my caesarean the first time, I promptly looked down at my stomach hoping that it had miraculously gone back to being the washboard it was before pregnancy. Obviously, I was in for a huge disappointment. Stomachs don't automatically shrink just because your baby is out. It takes time and effort to shrink them.
I don't believe in the no-carb diet... I have a theory. I think if you give up carbs, you get cranky. You must include them in your daily diet.
Negotiating nannies
Be gentle, be appreciative: Maids in India have egos. Big egos. They do not like being spoken to curtly and they do not like to be abruptly instructed by a woman they do not know. They come with the feeling that they already know everything. So while training them to do things your way, speak gently and when they do it right, appreciate it.
Fix routines, set menus: If your daily routine is fixed and there are more or less set times for things like meals and baths and walks, the staff always knows what to do when, instead of idling around the kitchen, having tea and gossiping.
Set boundaries, make rules: Let the help know where they can go, what they can use, who will be in charge if there is a crisis and they can't get through to you — all this helps create better communication channels. In my house, I do not allow the children to watch TV if I'm not around. It's easy for the help to put on the TV so the kids can sit glued to it the whole day while they are on their cell phones! If you set the rules, people will follow them.
Limit chores: Unless specified when you're employing her and negotiating her salary, do not give her any additional household chores like laundry, dusting, mopping, etc. If she has been hired only to look after your child, giving her extra work may make her feel short-changed.
Being a single mom
Do not overindulge: Just because you are a single parent, you do not need to make up for the spouse's love by buying your child everything he wants. Be firm on what you can give and what you do not want to give. Set clear boundaries, timings, structures and routines. Keep to the same schedule and pattern as when you were married.
Always be honest: With very young kids, you can get by with excuses like their dad is travelling or sleeping in the office that night. Older kids are very intuitive, though, and I think you need to tell them that you're separated and that both of you love him but live separately. I would firmly advise you not to think of a separation/divorce as the worst thing that could have happened to you and your family. India has progressed to a stage where a divorcee status hardly matters. What matters is that you raise a positive, independent, well-behaved and intelligent child.
Don't expect: Your partner has moved on or you have decided to leave him. Now don't expect that person to take an interest in your life or help out too much with the child. It's your responsibility. You can't say, 'Come home and spend time with the kid' or 'Don't you think you should be taking him for classes?'
Do not befriend: Don't suddenly go from parent mode to friend mode with your child. You don't want to confide in your child about the broken marriage and all your marital problems. He is still a child. He cannot take sides and it is unfair to expect him to do so.
Economize: Whether you have a spouse who gives you child maintenance or not, being a single parent means you need to curb your expenses. No more buying sexy lingerie worth thousands of rupees or splurging on diamond earrings or even shoes that you just don't need. You don't need to overspend on your child either by getting more books, toys or clothes. Keep track of your expenses. Write it in your daily calendar, journal or diary and calculate how much you spend. Don't forget a day and don't round off figures. At the end of the month, calculate. If you have a little left over, save it.
Excerpted with permission from Penguin Books India from the book My Yummy Mummy Guide Rs 399/ Shobhaa De Books
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