Do you have an online identity?

A study abroad has claimed that there is a link between how we portray ourselves online in social media and how we are in person.

Back home, is this really the case? Or are we 'different' people in real life?

We live in an always-on environment where we are accessible all the time to friends and relatives all over the world. Messages are delivered instantly and video chats in real time are the norm.

Recently, an Australian researcher named Megan Pozzi from the Queensland University of Technology found among other things, that online 'representations' of people are as valid as how people are IRL, or, In Real Life. In order to easily identity behaviour types online, categorisations were made in this study.

Explaining this, Pozzi stated in the study, "There is a common belief that the way we portray ourselves offline is authentic, while our online identity is somehow fake, but I believe all of these different representations are equally valid. People are performing their identities all the time. Whether we realise it or not, we are broadcasting different things to the world depending on who's watching. In particular, girls use status updates like they would fashion or music to assert themselves as an authority or as belonging to certain sub-groups." So, then, what do we think about it here?

"People do wear masks online. It's very difficult to be completely yourself on such a platform. I have people who tell me that they post what they'd like to be. Some couples might post 'happy' pictures on social media to show their friends that things are going great in the relationship when it's not. And then when a couple does unfortunately break up, their peers are bound to go, 'What happened? I thought they were happy together?'," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany.

When it comes to the genders, do girls post any differently from boys? Or do both behave the same way? Software consultant Vivek Ajwani seems to think so. "Many people both male and female who use social media as more than just a means to keep in touch often paint a picture of themselves as different from who they really are. The internet is a veil behind which people often become someone they always wanted to see themselves as but never really had the opportunity to be."

The problem with using the internet as a 'veil' to project a different image of ourselves is that we can be misunderstood by others. We also tend to subconsciously judge people based on what they say on social media. Social anthropologist, Dr Angad Chowdhry comments, "When I first joined social media, I felt that it was necessary to say things that would not be said in real life. It was the quickest way to differentiate oneself. It helped that most of it felt like I was shouting into a void — no one responded, so there was no understanding of the audience or consequence. Over time, I recognised that there is indeed an audience, that there is the potential of amplification and the inability to take back what is said. There is a greater respect for the medium now and I do not attempt to link it to my real life identity at all."

But Malika Hayden, a DJ who uses social media to communicate with audiences, says that the difference between how someone comes across on the web versus face-to-face can often be jarring, "Although I have never met someone in person whom I got to know through social media, but from stories I've heard from people, it can turn out to be a bit of a shock when in real life the person is nothing close to what you thought they would be."

Now that's something to think about the next time the urge for that next status update strikes you...

Types of social media posts according to the study
- Supplication (where people attempt to seem needy/self-deprecating in order to get attention)
- Exemplification (attempting to seem busy, dedicated or hardworking)
- Intimidation (attempting to seem threatening/powerful - essentially bullying)
- Ingratiation (using flattery/compliments in order to be seen as likeable)
- Self-promotion (where people point out their talents/abilities in order to be seen as skilful).
- Proclamation (where a user states what they're doing or feeling)
- Instigation (where users ask questions to start a conversation)
- Provocation (or making statements to offend or agitate others)

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7 signs of a toxic relationship

When you are in a new relationship, the heady addictive feeling gets to you. And that is why, sometimes you invariably are blinded to the fact that the relationship may be corrosive. Here are a few signs.

When you are in a new relationship, the heady addictive feeling gets to you. And that is why, sometimes you invariably are blinded to the fact that the relationship may be corrosive. It may be doing you more harm than good. Here are some warning signs that can help you know whether you are in a toxic relationship.

Your relationship drains you: Research suggests that 70% of our energy drains are emotional, says health psychologist Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal. She adds, "One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is how you feel after you meet your partner. Do you feel high-spirited and motivated or do you feel like a deflated balloon? It is subjective feeling." You need to move away from a relationship that stresses you out and takes away more than it can give you.

You're walking on eggshells: Do you think twice before uttering any line to your partner? The persistent fear of saying or doing something that might aggravate or upset him is a clear signal that your relationship is not balanced in your favour.

You start following your partner's habits to impress: Do you feel pressurised to drink more than what you are comfortable with, when you are out with your partner? Do you feel that you need to take up smoking just to impress him/her? If your relationship is making you take up negative habits, then you need to rethink.

Jealousy rears its ugly head: Jealousy and over possessiveness could be a symptom of an inferiority complex, states psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria. "Initially, you feel happy that your partner wants to know every little detail about your day but over time, you realise that it is not because he/she loves you, but because he/she is insecure. This is unhealthy and can be a symptom of a larger problem like paranoia or a delusional disorder, which, if not acknowledged or treated, could become suffocating for the partner," she adds.

Your past errors are dug up frequently: When a partner resorts to citing examples like 'This is what you always do. Last month also...' or 'You were like this with your ex too', you know your relationship may be treading dangerous ground. Dr Chhabria says, "When a partner is insecure, he/she may be making a case history against you on a sub-conscious level. Anything that happens, he/she immediately recollects the past examples and keeps mentioning them. He/she doesn't concentrate on nor tries to solve the issue at hand." Ghosts of the past usually torment this kind of person, making life difficult for you too.

Your relationship is all about your partner: When you stop paying attention to your close friends and family because your partner takes up all your time, you should see the red flag. Dr Chhabria, says, "If you are unable to concentrate on anything because you are always catering to your partner's insecurities, you could be in a toxic relationship." Citing an example, she says that a girl had forgotten to wish her best friend on her birthday because her boyfriend took up all her time, and their relationship was always all about him.

Your partner's too clingy: In any relationship, one partner may assume that the other is very dependable, because he/she may fulfil certain psychological requirements that the other may have. When that partner is unavailable, one starts to get insecure and grumpy. This leads to the uncontrollable urge to be with the partner 24X7 and could be bad for the relationship. Sometimes, it results in stalking the partner or being insanely over possessive. Such an over-clingy and needy partner could be the reason for the end of a relationship.

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Are you getting bored in your marriage?

Starting from the day that you ended your honeymoon, everything seems to be like a routine.

From the daily chores, to responsibilities, and even your sex life can sometimes be boring - and this problem would definitely not end by seeking another person out of your relationship. Having an affair is not the answer for a weakening relationship.

Say boo to boredom
There are so many ways so that you will not get bored with your marriage. First on the list is to have a spontaneous date with your husband or wife. An unplanned date can be a sweet surprise for your better-half. This also goes to show that you are still unpredictable after all those years and there's still a lot in you that your husband or wife has to know. Dine in at a local restaurant that you haven't been before. Take a ride to a place over-looking the city or the sunset. Situations like these are the most memorable. However, see to it that the kids, if you do have, are well-taken care of by a nanny, a babysitter or your in-laws.

Spice it up
Romance is vital in a relationship. Dress up or try positions that you haven't done before. Your partner will eventually change in the course of your married life and so does his sexual preferences. Be updated with the needs of your partner in bed. In order for a couple to have a long-lasting happy married life, there must always be a sexual compatibility between the two. Or else, a third-party will start to appear in the scene.

Space it out!
Don't be too clingy. Give your husband his poker-day and allow your wife to have her day-out with her girlfriends. In this way, you are taking time to miss each other's company.

Humour does it!
Don't forget to use humor and laugh at each other or with each other. Everybody loves someone who can accept his faults and laugh at them. Laughter is the best way to avoid isolation and boredom in marriage.

Nurturing matters
Provide for all the needs in order to satisfy your partner and your marriage in whole. Encouragement is also a must. No other person can encourage a husband or a wife except their better-halves.

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Recipe: Keema samosa

Rains may not have arrived yet, but there are some monsoon delicacies, which can be enjoyed nevertheless. And spicy, exotic keema samosas certainly belong to this category...What's more! They are quite easy to make!

Ingredients:
Mutton mince ½ kg.
singer 1" piece
garlic - a few flakes
Garam masala 1 ½ tsp.
coriander leaves chopped 2 tbsps.
Mint leaves chopped 2 tbsps.
Onion finely chopped 1 no.
Green chilies cut fine 4 nos.
Thick curd 1 tbsp
Maida 300 gms
Oil for frying
Salt to taste To taste

Preparation:
Make a stiff dough with the maida, 4 tablespoons oil and salt. Make 20 medium sized balls of this dough.
Roll thin round chappatis of the balls. Heat a tava and roast the chappati on one side only.
Make all the chappatis in the same way.
Now cut each chappati into two pieces and keep them covered.
Using a little water make a thick paste of 2 tablespoons maida and keep aside. Make a paste of ginger and garlic
Heat oil in a frying pan and fry the onions, chilies and ginger and garlic paste.
Now add the mince meat, salt and cook on a low flame till done.
Add the garam masala, curd, coriander and mint leaves and cook for some more time.
Remove from the flame and let it cool.
Make a cone of each half chappati and fill with the mince.
Then seal the edges with the flour paste.
Make samosas with the rest of the chappatis in the above manner.
Heat oil well and deep fry the samosas till golden brown.
Serve hot with pudina chutney.

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Style your beard the right way

Women can style their look in myriad ways, but men have limited options. But try experimenting with the beard - a style statement that's emerging as a big trend.
From getting the trimming right to maintaining the perfect shape, one can get a perfect beard quite easily -- but with a dash of patience, preparation and care, says celebrity hairstylist Asgar Saboo, who has styled Bollywood actor Hrithik Roshan and top models including Cindy Crawford.

Here are some tips:

* Timing is key: There is a time when you first start to grow your beard where the hair are emerging rather unevenly and you are not left with the most attractive of looks. The best option would be to use an electric shaver to trim the longer patches of your beard, so that you are left with an even length across your face. This will slow down the growth of the beard; however, it will improve overall appearance throughout the first few weeks.

* Style: Throughout the year, beards have bloomed in popularity. Celebrities including George Clooney, Ben Affleck and Jake Gyllenhall have all showcased various styles of beards. Make sure your beard compliments the shape of your face before styling it as not everyone can pull off the rugged Tom Hardy bearded look!

- Square: Men with square faces should opt for styles that make their faces appear less box-like and more slender. The best style for this facial shape is a light but all-over beard; this will mean you are constantly trimming your beard with your electric shaver to ensure it stays a suitable length.

- Round: In order to add shape to the face, it is important to ensure the length of the hair on your chin is longer than the sides. Try to avoid bushy sideburns and keep the sides of the beard short.

- Triangular: Men with triangular-shaped faces tend to have very pointed chins. Having a longer, fuller beard will make these faces appear more masculine by adding weight along the jaw line and chin.

* Maintenance: For those of you that have never grown a beard, it is vital to remember to keep it clean. Use a fine-toothed comb to keep your beard smooth and free from tangles. Don't forget to use shampoo and conditioner on your beard as its length increases. This will keep it clean and stop the beard smelling like damp hair.

* Trimming: To keep a neat look, it is important to trim your neckline, upper cheeks and moustache lip. Men will usually trim their beard too much; this will lead to mistakes being made and shaving off the whole beard. Wait at least a month before you begin trimming as you are simply trying to shape the beard, not remove it.

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In pics: 7 skin habits you should always avoid

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From over exfoliating to using an unclean makeup kit, here are common bad skin habits that must be avoided.

How often one skips washing our face at night due to a tired day? Or even buy older makeup without casting a glance at its expiry date? Radiant youthful skin is the first sign of good health, but here are culprits that can play often the worst skin habits that women have.

Smoking: This one of the biggest skin vices. Smoking not only reduces blood flow in the skin, but it also makes you prone to direct toxin exposure on the skin and in the blood. In addition to this, this habit creates wrinkles as well as dull skin. Research points out how every decade of smoking can add in an extra 2.5 years of age. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Taking hot showers: Of course, everyone loves those long hot baths, but while it can feel relaxing, it can also damage the facial skin greatly. The skin on the face is very delicate and due to the water's heat, the capillaries can get weakened, leading to a redness and dry skin. The next time you're tempted to languish in a hot tub, take care of your face. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Drinking: This is extremely dangerous. Studies have shown that a woman's risk of breast cancer rises by approximately six per cent for each extra alcoholic drink she has, on average, every day and overall, 5,000 cancer deaths a year are attributed to alcohol. And another reason not to reach for that alcohol, is its adverse effect on the skin. Apart from the dull look that too much drinking brings on, doing so might also dehydrate the skin and remove its natural oils, leaving it extremely dry. Alcohol consumption also makes small facial blood vessels called capillaries dilate; they can even burst, creating permanent damage. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Using dirty makeup brushes etc: If you won't take the extra trouble to clean out your makeup kit with its brushes etc, you can land up with acne that leads to bacterial infection. It's important thus to wash brushes with a gentle shampoo once a week and let it dry overnight. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Not getting enough sleep: According to dermatologists, sleep deprivation can lead to stress, which in turn leads to skin conditions such as acne, and psoriasis even. Eight hours sleep is the staple as it is during the night that the body repairs the cell damages caused during the day and the skin regenerates itself. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Breaking zits: It can tempting to do so, but picking pimples can only push them deeper into the skin. The bacteria goes deeper into the pores, causing infection and a worse case of acne or even scarring. Dirt and oil are a cause of pimples so keep skin clean by washing the face with a mild face wash twice a day. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Constant phone chatter: Believe it or not, but your phone can harm your skin. A study shows how resting your cheek against a phone can cause acne breakouts, regardless of whether or the phone is clean and bacteria-free or not. This is because the heat and friction generated lead to pimple breakouts. (Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images) 

7 skin habits you should always avoid

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Why you shouldn't rush into a relationship

How many times have you felt that you've entered a relationship too sooner than you thought you would? Well, it could have its repercussions too. Here's how to mind your step...

Often it takes time to understand that getting into a relationship in a hurry is not the best thing to do. And often people understand it the hard way. However, do not get disheartened. There are reasons why things fall apart, so that you can emerge stronger the next time around. Here are a few reasons why you must never hurriedly enter a relationship.

You maybe going in for a rebound: When people hurry into a relationship, most often, it is clearly because they are going in for a rebound. These relationships rarely succeed, because you have just gone into it thinking it will pull you through your past relationship, but it often does the reverse. It makes you vulnerable and all that you do is compare the two relationships.

Can make a wrong choice: When you hurry into a relationship, you may often not realise that this is not the best one for you. And by the time you do, it's too late and you may end up hurting yourself. So, rather than regretting about it later, it's always best to take your time to know and understand the person than jumping into a commitment that may just harm you.

Time works everything out: When you take your time to enter into a relationship, it often works better than when you enter into it in a hurry. Time will also help you in understanding whether you really want to be in a relationship or not.

Relieves you of later worries and hassles: One thing that works to your advantage when you take time to get into a relationship is that it helps you make the right choice. If you get into a relationship without thinking much about it, you may end up being with the wrong person and undergoing things that you may not deserve. To rule out troubles that may happen in the future, always take your time before you make a commitment.

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Portrayal of the queer in mythology

What if a mythologist looks into mythology and introduces queerness through the story of gods? What if a graphic designer uses the power of visuals and no text to narrate a tale? What if a Kashmiri author writes about the plight of "half-mothers"? Answers to all these "what ifs" are offered by the books IANS is reviewing this week. Take a look.

1. Book: Shikhandi: And Other Tales They Don't Tell You; Author: Devdutt Pattanaik; Publisher: Zubaan and Penguin; Pages: 180; Price: Rs. 299

Queerness isn't only modern, Western or sexual. Take a close look at the vast written and oral traditions in Hinduism, some over 2,000 years old, and you will find many overlooked tales, such as those of Shikhandi, who became a man to satisfy her wife; Mahadeva who became a woman to deliver his devotee's child; Chudala who became a man to enlighten her husband; Samavan who became the wife of his make friend, and many more.

Playful and touching and sometimes disturbing, these stories, when compared with their Mesopotamian, Greek, Chinese and Biblical counterparts reveal the unique Indian way of making sense of queerness.

2. Book: Aspyrus: A Dream of Halahala; Artist: Appupen; Publisher: Harper Collins; Price: Rs. 599

The mercurial terrain of Halahala faces the ultimate threat: a dream-creature from another realm that spreads its tentacles across the world. Will Halahala survive this invasion? Will it find the strength against this invasion? Will it find a saviour?

A study of obsession and aspiration, Aspyrus, a graphic novel, is the compulsion of desire, the fickleness of the idea and the power of conviction.

3. Book: The Half Mother; Author: Shahnaz Bashir; Publisher: Hachette; Pages: 182; Price: Rs. 295

It is the 1990s and Kashmir's extremism has begun to claim its first victims. Among them are Gulam Rasool Joo, Haleema's father and her teenage son Imran, who is picked up by the authorities only to disappear into the void of Kashmir's missing people.

This is the story of Haleema - a mother and a daughter yesterday, a "half-mother" and an orphan today - tormented by not knowing whether Imran is dead or alive, torn apart by her own lonely existence. While she battles for answers and seeks out torture camps, jails and morgues for any signs of Imran, Kashmir burns in a war that will haunt it for years to come.

4. Book: The Making of Exile: Sindhi Hindus and the Partition of India; Author: Nandita Bhavnani; Pages: 386; Price: Rs. 599

The cultural landscape - of the Sindhi Hindu experience of Partition - is accessed in this book, through the anxieties, fears, resilience, hopes and self-confidence of the Sindhi Hindus as they confronted the loss of their homeland, the collapse of their familiar world, and the sense of economic security and the certitudes associated with the earlier, pre-Partition social life of the community in Sindh.

The story is told through the eyes and the memories of those who had experienced that history and whose actions ultimately shaped that history.

In the long run, this book will not only retain its intellectual relevance but also become a crucial part of a community's self-reflection and, perhaps, even a part of its ongoing self-construction.

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Eating breakfast helps burn calories

Breakfast is often said to be the most important meal of the day, yet many people are still shunning it in favour of fasting. But new research suggests that people who eat breakfast burn more calories and have tighter blood sugar control.

The University of Bath study examined the effect of daily breakfast compared to morning fasting on energy balance.

The research was conducted by splitting people into two groups, the "fasting" group and a "breakfast" group and studying them for six weeks. The "fasting" group consumed no calories until 12 p.m each day and the 'breakfast' group ate 700 calories before 11 a.m, reports contactmusic.com.

Those who ate breakfast experienced little impact on snacking or portion sizes or a change in their resting metabolism, contrary to popular belief.

However, they were likely to expend more energy, around 442 calories, by being active, mainly in the morning after eating.

James Betts of the University of Bath's Department of Health was the principal investigator in the study, published in leading nutrition journal American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

"The main finding from our study is that people who eat breakfast burn more calories," said Betts.

"Most people would think this is because of reduced snacking and increased metabolic rate but actually this is due to moving around. They were more active during the period that they had eaten breakfast. People moved around if they had been fed and there are many benefits to being active."

As the day went on, those who ate breakfast experienced better blood sugar control compared to those who had fasted.

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How to make hair removal wax at home

There are times when you can't find the time to visit the salon to get your waxing done. When that happens, it's better to get waxed at home instead of shaving.

Step 1
Take a saucepan and heat some sugar in it. Keep stirring until it starts melting. Let the sugar caramelise.

Step 2
Mix in a few drops of honey and lemon into the mixture. Keep stirring until the mixture becomes really hot.
While stirring, you need to make sure that the wax has good consistency .

Step 3
If you think that the mixture is too thick, add a little water to it and keep mixing.

Step 4
Once the mixture is ready , take it off the stove and keep it at room temperature for about an hour and allow it to cool down.

Step 5
Once the wax has been cooled, take a tin container and refrigerate it.

Benefits of using homemade wax
- Compared to the ones that are available in the market, a homemade wax has several benefits. Here are a few.
- Since the wax is made using natural ingredients, it makes your skin soft and glow.
- You are not likely to develop any skin rash or infections by using homemade wax.
- It will remove the hair as well as will also moisturise your skin.
- Homemade wax lessens the production of hair, so the next time you wax, you will realise that the hair growth has considerably reduced.
- It will exfoliate your skin and also open the pores of your skin to allow the dirt to get out.

How to take care of your skin after waxing
- Always apply a moisturiser after you are done waxing.
- You can also wet the skin us ing a damp cloth so that it stays nourished and does not dry out immediately .
- Avoid going out in the sun too much after waxing. In case you have to, always wear a sunscreen.
- Avoid taking warm or hot wa ter showers after you've waxed. This will strip you off the essential oils.
- Before you go to bed at night, apply a nourishing lotion on the area so that your skin stays moisturised.
- If the area starts itching or turns red, apply talcum pow der to reduce it.
- You can also try applying a cube of ice on the affected area to reduce the redness.

Visit a dermatologist if the problem persists.

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